Gordy: I have been wanting to write a post about the pandemic.
Today (May 26, 2020) is for us the 68th day of quarantine and at this stage we have lots of information about the virus and guidelines for confronting it but there is still so much uncertainty. Uncertainty makes me uncomfortable and one way I deal with it is through humor.
I think it’s ok to smile and laugh even though the subject matter is very serious. Because we know that at the end of the day, God is with us no matter what.
I drove up to the restaurant called Yesterday & Tomorrow. It was an old brick house and looked promising but there were no cars in the parking lot. I went to the side door and knocked and the proprietor answered, “May I be of service.”
I told him I had read an advertisement in a local restaurant guide about the Yesterday & Tomorrow and was here to give it a try. He apologized and said, “You should have come yesterday but you can always come back tomorrow.”
I said, “Well your ad said you are open every day.”
He replied, “What the ad actually says is that we are open every yesterday and every tomorrow.”
So I slyly say, “If I would have come tomorrow and since today is tomorrow’s yesterday then you should be open today.”
So he says, “Yes, that is true. But you actually are here today and today I tell you we were open yesterday, and will be open tomorrow.”
I say, “I cannot come tomorrow so how about the day after tomorrow?”
He smiles and says, “The day after tomorrow will have a yesterday and that yesterday is tomorrow, so tomorrow is also a yesterday and when that happens the Yesterday & Tomorrow always has a special on the hot beef sandwich.”
I am perplexed and say, “I told you I cannot come tomorrow and I obviously cannot come yesterday. So what would you suggest?”
He tells me, “Well you could drive down the road about 10 miles and try the restaurant called Years Ago. My sister runs the place.
I then ask, “Do you think Years Ago is open today?”
He laughs and says, “I can’t say for sure. My sister used to run the best restaurant for miles around but that was years ago.”
So I drove down the road about 10 miles to find the Years Ago. I came across a run down old house with a sign out front that was so faded I could barely read it. I stopped and got out of my car and walked up to the aged porch where sat an old woman. I asked her if I had found what I was looking for, a restaurant called Years Ago.
The old woman slapped her knee and laughed, “Why, you are the third one today! Like I told them other two fellas the Years Ago closed 40 years ago.”
Then she asked, “Why don’t you sit down here in the shade and let me explain. Now my brother don’t like to travel so he ain’t ever been down to see me here at my place. He don’t like to drive and is gettin’ more forgetful all the time. In fact he rarely leaves his house. He gets other folks to bring him what he needs.”
“Anyhow one day I was up to visit him and we got to talkin’ about the restaurant business and I told him that I was about to open my restaurant again. But I told him it will only be open once in awhile. So I’m gonna call my establishment the Come Back Later Steak House but I ain’t got a sign up yet. Now I will cook only when I feel like it. And if I don’t feel up to it I will just tell my customers to come back later or try their luck up at the Yesterday and Tomorrow.”
So I said, “I just came from the Yesterday and Tomorrow and your brother is not open today, so he sent me down here to the Years Ago. And now you say you’ve been closed for 40 years and want to send me back up there?!! I am bewildered! I’m beginning to think that neither one of your restaurants is ever going to be open.”
The old lady replied, “Well sir, if you cannot wait until tomorrow or you cannot come back later then there is only one other place I can point you to. You’ll have to drive to the next town called Hazey and find the corner of Main Avenue and Third Street I believe it is. There you can check out the Last Chance Bar and Grill which I understand has people talking.
So I drove for an hour, found the place and parked out front. I walked up to main door where a sign was posted that read Last Chance Bar and Grill……. Opening Soon.